I had forgotten an incident that happened many years ago. It was around sixth or seventh grade for me. All the boys in my class were into building plastic models. You could take your allowance money and go to the toy store and by a box that contained plastic parts that had been stamped out of plastic. Your model might be a monster or superhero, a plane or ship, but cars might have been the largest category. We were, in fact, in the heyday of the American love affair with cars.
Our teacher knew that we all would be excited when she asked us to bring in our completed models for a day of “show and tell” (I can’t remember what she was asking the girls to bring). And so I set off for the toy store,
After my gluing phase I dug into the painting phase. This was completed by enamel paints and brushes, we didn’t have spray paints. I was happy with the finished product, even though the paint was streaked and lumpy.
I took my cars into class. When I saw what others had brought I was shocked. Theirs were so much better, the paint was smooth and shiny. I kept my car in the box under my desk. Later, as we were admiring the lineup, a friend of mine came up behind me. He had my car in his hand and was showing it to everyone. I had to endure the laughter and embarrassment. And then, I put that whole incident into a compartment in my mind and didn’t think about it for decades.
Fast forward several decades. I have been painting in my studio, on and off, producing detailed surrealism landscapes but not showing them to many people. I think back one day to that incident and how I might have been changed by it. Am I afraid of showing my work because I don’t want the embarrassment? Sometimes the easy answer is the right one. On the other hand, maybe I wouldn’t be so perfection-driven if it never happened. After all, it never stopped me from painting.
I have chosen to think of it in the latter way. My friend, doing what young people do, gave me a gift. And I have also chosen not to be embarrassed of my painting just because it is different.